A Tale of Two Omelets
Long ago in a hotel far, far away, I watched a group of people eating breakfast. Each morning the restaurant served an “Omelet of the Day”. As the hostess came to take orders, Russell asked for a vegetable omelet. She politely told him that Tuesday’s special was a cheese omelet. He ranted reminding the hostess that HE was the customer and that it was HER duty to service him. How dare they deny him a vegetable omelet simply because it was Tuesday? Didn’t they know anything about customer service? Eventually, he accepted the cheese omelet with a curse under his breath. Calling Russell an “Ugly American” would have been appropriate except we were in the USA!
When Sam, another manager who was staying at the hotel, ordered his omelet, he politely asked what the omelet of the day was. The hostess said cheese and braced herself for the onslaught. Sam simply said that was fine. Then he asked her softly, “Would you check with the chef to see if he has any left over tomatoes back there he might be willing to throw in? And if he has a few onions they’d be good too? And…maybe some peppers? I’d appreciate what ever you could do.” Sam got a vegetable omelet.
This tale could be about the hotel’s customer service; or Russell’s rudeness; or Sam’s politeness; or Sam’s subtle manipulation to get his omelet…but it is none of these. This tale is about the hostess’ response.
What was her response to Russell’s rude, offensive outburst? Maybe she was offended and went into her own rant when she left the room. Maybe it drove her to tears or to quit. Maybe she spit in his food in retaliation. Maybe she was secure enough to ignore it. I don’t know.
We have all been offended at some time in our life. What is important is NOT the offense but how we respond to an offense. You may have heard that “sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you.” That’s wrong! Words hurt. They cut deep, leaving wounds. The words we use often offend. We have all been hurt in conversations…unwanted advice, a sarcastic comment, an unkind word, an innuendo, another’s body language. We make it personal…we make it about us… because that is how it feels.
A slight becomes rejection; rejection leads to bitterness; bitterness grows into contempt; contempt boils into rage; and any of these can lead to a desire for revenge and retaliation. We retaliate with words and gossip. We get revenge by retelling the story and seeking sympathy from others. Through these actions people become divided and relationships get damaged.
Taking offense is a form of pride. It comes from seeking our worth from the opinions of others. We place too much value in what others think of us. We let their words define us. We let others validate us. We give them power to “hurt” us. Then, ironically, we demand payment or retribution for the offense.
This is important because we live in a world where many are easily offended. Don’t believe me…just listen to the news! The contempt is moving to an epidemic level. We take offense too easily; we become contemptuous of anyone who disagrees. Rage abounds.
An antidote to this contempt is to start by looking at ourselves and what’s in our heart. Remember, out of the abundance of our heart our mouth speaks. What is abundant in your heart? If you use words of criticism, fault finding, or contempt – that’s what’s in your heart. Listen to how you talk!
Next, ask yourself a few questions…
What did the other person(s) do?
When they did that, what did I do?
Knowing this, what do I plan to change in me?
What are my next steps?
If you want to change your relationships, you have to change your responses. If you want to change your responses you have to change what’s in your heart. These questions will help you see what’s in your heart. Think about it.
From the omelet bar in the Shangri La Hotel…
Charlie